Day 45

You will understand the meaning of bitterness, anger, confusion, and anxiousness. When men approach you, you will instinctively want to know what they want.. you will have flashbacks.. you will feel the anger and resentment, but please do not let your past hinder you. Success is the best answer to any hardship you have faced. I am determined to find happiness in this area of my life.

Day 44

There are definitely two sides to the story of your divorce. I think that when you assess your side of things you can began to heal. The fact of the matter is that neither one of you just woke up one morning with a broken marriage. And realistically, there are not many problems that cant be fixed. I believe that with compromise and love anything can be sorted if both parties involved are willing. For me, I am taking an ariel view at my life so that I can improve myself. I did things that did not grow my marriage. I did childish things to inflict pain because I was in pain. I hold 50% of the responsibility, but so does he. 

Day 43

Relations with your spouses family: It can remain good at least for the moment based on their diplomacy. Or they can take his side and become your enemies. Naturally If you have children that are close with his side, this whole thing can be super tricky. Due to the fact most of my exes family is spread out in other states and his parents live abroad, I had limited contacts with them anyway. Sadly. I believe that perhaps they could have had more of an impact on him if they were closer, as they know him better than I ever did. I also attribute the fact to him being away from the social expectations of his home has made him more liberal to  pursue a divorce. I know for a fact if we lived abroad... this whole story would have happened differently.

Day 42

Do not let this time in your life define you. Do not let it hinder you, do not let it poison your mind. The truth of the matter is that you CAN get past this. You can rebound. You can have a fulfilling life again. For me being married validated me in many different ways. As a woman, no matter what other things you accomplish, you are validated by your relationship status, and I especially feel the pressure of "what is wrong with you" now that my ex has decided to leave me. In some ways, him being there validated me as desirable.. now I kinda feel like i have a communicable disease or something. I combat these feelings by trying to keep my appearance together. It makes me feel more attractive although I am fighting the battle of self worth inside.

Day 41

There are days when you will wish for your home to be like it used to be. You will wish for your ex to come through the door. You will wish to hear his voice, or lay aside him on a cold night. You will forget you cant call him to borrow a few bucks until payday.. You may become somewhat saddened by the memories of the future plans you had together, that will never come to pass, but all is not lost. You still have life, and if you allow yourself, you will be able to love again.

Day 40

Access your level of communication. is it an area that you can improve upon. To be honest communication was a consistent issue with my spouse and I, I didn't want to make him look bad to his family either so I held back on talking to them too about issues we were having. By the time i brought them to their attention, things had become very strained in the house. I recommend addressing issues early on, when you start to notice them. If you are unsuccessful communicating directly with their mate, enlist the help of a close friend or family member that perhaps knows better ways to communicate with them. This is especially important in African relationships. Often including them can help greatly in getting everyone on the same page. Don't abuse it though, use it as a last resort to a dire situation.

Day 39

You are free. Now is the time to explore all the things you were restricted from when you were married because of 'compromise' sake.In all honesty I hope at this point you realize that life is too short and nothing or no one is promised/obligated to you. Even if they make vows and promises to never leave you.. they still can, and do. If you are like me, you feel like after investing time and emotions into a failed marriage, there is no more time to spare. Although I do miss my ex at times, I feel relief. I don't have to debate about this or that. I don't have to deal with cohabitation. I don't have to sacrifice.. and I do find some solace in that. I have some great things planned for myself upcoming and it brings great excitement. :-)

Day 38

Because my Divorce journey is also incorporating dating.. I wanna go over some personal ground rules for my future suitor roster.... I have decided to be celibate during this time. I believe in taking time to meet and get to know anyone that I'm dating. I believe a lack of friendship contributed to some of the issues that my ex and I experienced. Also consciously and continuously remind yourself that the new person you are dating is not your spouse, be patient and open with them. Take this opportunity to prevent pitfalls from the past. Do not look back. Thanks to social media, it is easy to find other failed lovers/relationships from the past. Remember it didn't work in the past.. so it is probably best to not revisit it. If you happen to connect with someone you are interested in that doesn't reciprocate the same interest; move on. Do not trap yourself in another unsuccessful relationship. Take them at face value because if they were interested they would make time.... which is what 'Mr. Dimples' told me, and it is so true. This time is for you. If you have children, obviously it goes without saying that you need to be selective what you expose your children too. This time is going to be stressful and life changing for them.. you don't want to further confuse them by integrating foolishness in. Stay prayerful as well. Ask that God can restore and heal you from the scars and issues your divorce has caused. Ask that he will give you the desires of your heart to find a loving and supportive mate that you can spend your life with. He is certainly able to do it. I believe that.

Day 37

I think its important to began moving on towards your future as soon as you possibly can. For me this includes: ordering my finances,getting on track with God, dating again and going back to school. I have spared no time in that. I will be starting an online school next month and as I mentioned in one of my other posts, I have begun dating. I think that in many, many cases our spouses leave us because they seem to look at us as a burden, they seem to rationalize that their life will be better without us. Based on the way my ex speaks to me... I have come to this conclusion in my specific situation. I will use his doubts as motivation to move forward aggressively. I refuse to let him ever see me in a negative light, ever. I know a former divorced woman that never realized this truth, and her best days were when she was married. Her ex continued on to do big things, but she never rebounded professionally or personally after.For some reason my ex thinks I will never go any further without him... He is sadly mistaken. I can understand his misguided perception somewhat because during the course of our marriage whilst he strategically made individual moves to better himself, I focused more on us as a unit, and neglected my own progress. However, I am ambitious, and that is something that resonates from my past as well as my future. Nonetheless, I think the faster you delve into bettering yourself, the faster you heal.

Day 36

Ex-husband... Divorce... such nasty nasty words. Lately I have been working on not calling my ex my husband; my husband, by just calling him by his name. 'Husband' will still often slip. its subconcious.