Day 35

Deciding to repair or move on can be a difficult choice. For me, not so much. My ex has been so absolutely cold during this whole process, It only made sense to move forward. I tried relentlessly for a few months. Calling his friends and family, pleading for them to talk to him. Sending kind messages to him.. crying my eyes out. Staying prayerful (which I still maintain) and the like. However, there comes a point when you have to determine which way you will go forward. Again it will be specific to your situation. When you have children, business' and property the separation of church and state will naturally be tougher and longer. Fortunately or unfortunately we didn't have much to split, just a few bills which my ex wasted no time doing.

Day 34

I had my first date this weekend. An old adage says... 'The best way to get over one person is to get under another' and I believe it. Last week I went through a major internal battle of going home after work on friday night, sitting there alone thinking and wishing of a different reality, or going home, putting myself together and stepping out. I decided on the latter. Whilst out I met a handsome gentleman that actually reminds me in someways of my ex: Nice stature, dimples, big hands and charming.... he is also from the same foreign country. It built my confidence up to be approached by someone my taste on my very first night out. I did also happen to run into some friends of my ex who apparently didn't know our status. I simply referred them to him when they asked the standard "How is such-n-such". Naturally it is not my nature to just let go an be a free spirit, but in this instance I have decided to let myself be more free. Meeting Mr Dimples (as we will call him) really helped. I didn't conceal what I was going through. I was honest with him to allow him the choice of whether or not he wanted to involve himself. Thankfully he appreciated my honesty and we had our first date a week later. :-)

Day 33

Today was what should have been my three year anniversary. It passed slowly, and I received no call or correspondance from my estranged husband. I wasnt surprised really. He didnt bother to call on any of the holidays so I didnt expect it. You all would be proud of me though cause I didnt cry. I decided not to bring my angst into the new year. I decided not to continue to cry over someone who is not crying over me. Your grief in many cases is a descision that you choose. I decided that if I happened to learn that I would die soon.. I didnt want to spend too much time wallowing over someone who doesn't love or care for me. We always say if we knew our end we would live differently. I have just decided to actually apply that mentality to my life and in this new year. :-)

Day 32

Divorce is the most painful thing I have ever gone through. It is never easy. It is never a blessing, and most of all, the years you have invested can never be repaid. I pray for all the others who are going through or have been through.