Day 45

You will understand the meaning of bitterness, anger, confusion, and anxiousness. When men approach you, you will instinctively want to know what they want.. you will have flashbacks.. you will feel the anger and resentment, but please do not let your past hinder you. Success is the best answer to any hardship you have faced. I am determined to find happiness in this area of my life.

Day 41

There are days when you will wish for your home to be like it used to be. You will wish for your ex to come through the door. You will wish to hear his voice, or lay aside him on a cold night. You will forget you cant call him to borrow a few bucks until payday.. You may become somewhat saddened by the memories of the future plans you had together, that will never come to pass, but all is not lost. You still have life, and if you allow yourself, you will be able to love again.

Day 30

You will endure violent emotions. You will want to choke the life out of your ex. All I can advise is don't do anything stupid whilst in these emotions. I can understand how furious you may feel when you think about the years spent and all the love lost. It is natural. Find a positive hobby to fill the void. Work out or ride a bike. Pick up kick boxing or yoga. I believe that physical activity is the best way to deal with your frustrations, and you cant get into trouble that way.

Day 21

I dont care what anyone will tell you.. the pain of heartbreak is real.. it has broken me down on so many nights. I dread coming home to my empty apartment, and remembering the good and bad of home. I have sobbed my eyes out, spent sleepless nights, and the like behind this divorce. I never ever want to encounter anything like this in my life. Even though I sometimes feel that were not compatible.. your spouse will still grow on you. After all at the point you married them, you had honestly believed you would spend the rest of your life with them. Even at the point over a year has passed, I hate to admit that I still have moments I ponder on things, but I focus the majority of my time and efforts on how to enhance my future, and how to find love again.

Day 14

The infamous line.. it could be worse, really rings true. I look at what Im going through and I look for the silver lining because I know many others that have endured such nastier divorces. Although my husband is ice cold towards me, we go through this over distance. Im not bombarded with in my face reminders everyday like some have to face, and we dont have children (thank God I decided not to have any because of some of the discord that we experienced) Some people seems to think that babies fix everything. I have never believed that. Im thankful that if it must end, that it is due to his stubborness. I rest easy every night knowing that I made attempts to mend things with him, and that he refused them.I know the day will come when he thinks over it, and I vow to make the most of my future as a response to his abandonment.

Day 11

The loneliness that you may begin to feel is daunting. It will shake you to the core. Especially if you have been married awhile, you will see just how much you were accustomed to the little things of your spouse.. like the sound of their voice, or hearing their song on the radio. Certain landmarks you see will bring them to memory, and don't forget that people will continue to ask you about your spouse everywhere you go. People may notice that you have stopped wearing your wedding ring or have removed pictures from your desk at work... the separating portion is so hard... its like tearing flesh from bone even if you were not happy with your spouse. You may begin to worry about finding another mate.... all these sensations are natural.In my case, My husband was physically what I always wanted. Very handsome, perfect smile. I find that when I look at men. I still measure them to my husband, and am not attracted... smh.

Day 10

This is the time when it is critical to devise your bounce back strategy. Many people cant bounce back after the devastating blow of divorce...but i have made up my mind to excel.Whatever that means to you specifically begin to pour into it immediately. For me this is going back to school,making sure I keep myself together and drawing close to God. All areas in which suffered when I was married. To be honest, when I got married and things got rocky, I distanced myself from God because I was angry. I stopped tithing and  working in ministry. I wonder at times if that was the moment I contributed to the destruction of my marriage.. because I ran from God. Believers can not do things like those of the world do. We experience much heftier consequences. I wanted my husband to be everything in my life, and was troubled when he did not measure up. As a response I should have poured INTO and not out of my marriage. I should have chased God down reminding him of the promises, not hitting the streets. Hindsight is always 20/20. 

Day 7

I feel so much anger. Anger that my life has to come to this turn. Angry I have to start again. Wondering why things cant just go my way ugh. Angry at my husband for breaking his promise to always be there. Angry that people just cant be trusted. angry that I am yet to ever have a love reciprocate the love that I give. I know people say these type of experiences are 'life lessons' but I hate that expression. I believe it is really just a cop-out because we cant prevent having to deal with it.Angry because I loved his family and am close with them,Angry that I wont be affiliated with my husband any more. Angry that I never forsaw this day. Angry that I was not prepared. Angry that perhaps...just perhaps, I'm reaping what I sowed in a sense.

Day 6

Your will not believe the harsh words your spouse will use towards you. It will absolutely blow you mind. Its as if the day never existed when they loved you or they cared. It will be a faint memory. Unfortunately, during breakups people tend to be very immature and take shots where they can. Some want to inflict pain, especially when they feel hurt by you. I cant believe how my husband talks to me. I reached out a few times by text and he was so cold and callous I had to go back just to reread it. For a moment, I thought someone else had taken his phone.It will be so painful to comprehend it, but it is a part of the process. Try not to over expose yourself. Look for an outlet that will not be detrimental to you. It can help you handle the stress.Refrain from pouring out your feelings to them if they appear to be exceptionally spiteful because all it will do is cut you deeper.