Day 19

Trust issues.... you will undoubetedly develop. Part of you may want to isolate yourself and never ever trust another man... the other vengeful side will want to find someone better than your last to flaunt and show off that you were able to rebound. Your mind will be split and will play tricks on you. I cant believe that my husband would abandon me.. he was the last person in the whole world I would think would quit. smh

Day 18

Bitterness.... undoubetedly, will you feel it even if you dont want too. I know my biggest issue and deepest pain comes from the fact that husband promised to sustain me no matter what however quickly decided to leave me. With him being African I thought I was especially safe from divorce as it is a taboo in his culture as well as his catholic religion. I deal with spilt emotions nearly everyday. There are days where I think that moving on may not be such a bad thing.. but most of the times I am so petrified at the thought of beginning again.. Meeting and entrusting someone again. I had established a comfort zone that I didnt expect troubled. It has been difficult to wrap my mind around my current status.

Day 17

Holidays will be tough. Even if you and your spouse were always at odds. you will feel the void. People will keep asking you about them.. You will have to shed the memories of what you were doing this time last year, as you were undoubetedly with them last year. You will be moved to tears by music commercials and couples out and about. You will wonder why you too couldnt be happy in love. I have been keeping a low profile, as I have been randomly crying. Social events are hard, I have to keep them to a minimum.

Day 14

The infamous line.. it could be worse, really rings true. I look at what Im going through and I look for the silver lining because I know many others that have endured such nastier divorces. Although my husband is ice cold towards me, we go through this over distance. Im not bombarded with in my face reminders everyday like some have to face, and we dont have children (thank God I decided not to have any because of some of the discord that we experienced) Some people seems to think that babies fix everything. I have never believed that. Im thankful that if it must end, that it is due to his stubborness. I rest easy every night knowing that I made attempts to mend things with him, and that he refused them.I know the day will come when he thinks over it, and I vow to make the most of my future as a response to his abandonment.

Day 12

I wore my wedding ring from the day I got it, but it was interesting just how quickly the band tan faded. Within a month it was no more. Yesterday I looked at my gorgeous diamond ring, and I missed wearing it. I missed the symbolism, but as it stands. My husbands choice still stands.This also has to be the absolute worst time with all the holidays coming around. The first holiday I spent without him was odd. It was the first holiday in years that we were not together....Bittersweet. Usually my husband would irritate me to no end on the holidays, but I would be lying that I dont feel the void of him not being there. Even if problems exist in the relationship, it is never ever a clean break. I waited in vain for him to show up or call on the holiday.. he did neither.. he is the most heartless man ever.

Day 11

The loneliness that you may begin to feel is daunting. It will shake you to the core. Especially if you have been married awhile, you will see just how much you were accustomed to the little things of your spouse.. like the sound of their voice, or hearing their song on the radio. Certain landmarks you see will bring them to memory, and don't forget that people will continue to ask you about your spouse everywhere you go. People may notice that you have stopped wearing your wedding ring or have removed pictures from your desk at work... the separating portion is so hard... its like tearing flesh from bone even if you were not happy with your spouse. You may begin to worry about finding another mate.... all these sensations are natural.In my case, My husband was physically what I always wanted. Very handsome, perfect smile. I find that when I look at men. I still measure them to my husband, and am not attracted... smh.

Day 10

This is the time when it is critical to devise your bounce back strategy. Many people cant bounce back after the devastating blow of divorce...but i have made up my mind to excel.Whatever that means to you specifically begin to pour into it immediately. For me this is going back to school,making sure I keep myself together and drawing close to God. All areas in which suffered when I was married. To be honest, when I got married and things got rocky, I distanced myself from God because I was angry. I stopped tithing and  working in ministry. I wonder at times if that was the moment I contributed to the destruction of my marriage.. because I ran from God. Believers can not do things like those of the world do. We experience much heftier consequences. I wanted my husband to be everything in my life, and was troubled when he did not measure up. As a response I should have poured INTO and not out of my marriage. I should have chased God down reminding him of the promises, not hitting the streets. Hindsight is always 20/20.