Day 38

Because my Divorce journey is also incorporating dating.. I wanna go over some personal ground rules for my future suitor roster.... I have decided to be celibate during this time. I believe in taking time to meet and get to know anyone that I'm dating. I believe a lack of friendship contributed to some of the issues that my ex and I experienced. Also consciously and continuously remind yourself that the new person you are dating is not your spouse, be patient and open with them. Take this opportunity to prevent pitfalls from the past. Do not look back. Thanks to social media, it is easy to find other failed lovers/relationships from the past. Remember it didn't work in the past.. so it is probably best to not revisit it. If you happen to connect with someone you are interested in that doesn't reciprocate the same interest; move on. Do not trap yourself in another unsuccessful relationship. Take them at face value because if they were interested they would make time.... which is what 'Mr. Dimples' told me, and it is so true. This time is for you. If you have children, obviously it goes without saying that you need to be selective what you expose your children too. This time is going to be stressful and life changing for them.. you don't want to further confuse them by integrating foolishness in. Stay prayerful as well. Ask that God can restore and heal you from the scars and issues your divorce has caused. Ask that he will give you the desires of your heart to find a loving and supportive mate that you can spend your life with. He is certainly able to do it. I believe that.

Day 37

I think its important to began moving on towards your future as soon as you possibly can. For me this includes: ordering my finances,getting on track with God, dating again and going back to school. I have spared no time in that. I will be starting an online school next month and as I mentioned in one of my other posts, I have begun dating. I think that in many, many cases our spouses leave us because they seem to look at us as a burden, they seem to rationalize that their life will be better without us. Based on the way my ex speaks to me... I have come to this conclusion in my specific situation. I will use his doubts as motivation to move forward aggressively. I refuse to let him ever see me in a negative light, ever. I know a former divorced woman that never realized this truth, and her best days were when she was married. Her ex continued on to do big things, but she never rebounded professionally or personally after.For some reason my ex thinks I will never go any further without him... He is sadly mistaken. I can understand his misguided perception somewhat because during the course of our marriage whilst he strategically made individual moves to better himself, I focused more on us as a unit, and neglected my own progress. However, I am ambitious, and that is something that resonates from my past as well as my future. Nonetheless, I think the faster you delve into bettering yourself, the faster you heal.

Day 36

Ex-husband... Divorce... such nasty nasty words. Lately I have been working on not calling my ex my husband; my husband, by just calling him by his name. 'Husband' will still often slip. its subconcious.

Day 35

Deciding to repair or move on can be a difficult choice. For me, not so much. My ex has been so absolutely cold during this whole process, It only made sense to move forward. I tried relentlessly for a few months. Calling his friends and family, pleading for them to talk to him. Sending kind messages to him.. crying my eyes out. Staying prayerful (which I still maintain) and the like. However, there comes a point when you have to determine which way you will go forward. Again it will be specific to your situation. When you have children, business' and property the separation of church and state will naturally be tougher and longer. Fortunately or unfortunately we didn't have much to split, just a few bills which my ex wasted no time doing.

Day 34

I had my first date this weekend. An old adage says... 'The best way to get over one person is to get under another' and I believe it. Last week I went through a major internal battle of going home after work on friday night, sitting there alone thinking and wishing of a different reality, or going home, putting myself together and stepping out. I decided on the latter. Whilst out I met a handsome gentleman that actually reminds me in someways of my ex: Nice stature, dimples, big hands and charming.... he is also from the same foreign country. It built my confidence up to be approached by someone my taste on my very first night out. I did also happen to run into some friends of my ex who apparently didn't know our status. I simply referred them to him when they asked the standard "How is such-n-such". Naturally it is not my nature to just let go an be a free spirit, but in this instance I have decided to let myself be more free. Meeting Mr Dimples (as we will call him) really helped. I didn't conceal what I was going through. I was honest with him to allow him the choice of whether or not he wanted to involve himself. Thankfully he appreciated my honesty and we had our first date a week later. :-)

Day 33

Today was what should have been my three year anniversary. It passed slowly, and I received no call or correspondance from my estranged husband. I wasnt surprised really. He didnt bother to call on any of the holidays so I didnt expect it. You all would be proud of me though cause I didnt cry. I decided not to bring my angst into the new year. I decided not to continue to cry over someone who is not crying over me. Your grief in many cases is a descision that you choose. I decided that if I happened to learn that I would die soon.. I didnt want to spend too much time wallowing over someone who doesn't love or care for me. We always say if we knew our end we would live differently. I have just decided to actually apply that mentality to my life and in this new year. :-)

Day 32

Divorce is the most painful thing I have ever gone through. It is never easy. It is never a blessing, and most of all, the years you have invested can never be repaid. I pray for all the others who are going through or have been through.