Today is the first day after my husband vehemently requesting a divorce after nearly three years of marriage, and refusing to reconsider his choice. I offered to work. I reached out to his family. I cried,and I felt alone. I am creating this blog as a day by day account of the first year after a divorce. The highs and lows. It is an intimate detailed account of my life, my truth, my sadness and my victory. As always this is not to disrespect my husband, his family or friends, but to be used as an honest account that can provide support for many others that experience the same. This has been a long time coming as we have had a rocky relationship from the beginning of our marriage. We both did inappropriate things that left each other hurt and did not resolve the problems that we had. At one point last year, I wanted to leave as I have previously shared on my blog, but he asked me to stay, and I did. As it is difficult to ever walk away from someone when you have remnants of love. I am trying not to feel bitter that now that the tables have turned I do not receive the same consideration. My emotions are mixed. Partially of relief from the sleepless nights,tears and worries, but also sadness at being disconnected from someone I have shared a home with, made new friendships with and invested time on. At this point I am trying to see the silver lining, the very fact that we don't have children to involve in the mix, that I am still young and have the potential to find love yet again. Worry currently keeps me up at night, as I was at the point that I wanted to begin a family, and my husband was the ideal candidate. I worry about entrusting someone again, as It takes time, and i worry about having children in a decent time frame. I think about separating all the bills and constantly being asked about him, but lastly I feel used as he has accomplished much for himself during our marriage, but I am left feeling that I did not get equally as much done. I will soon deactivate my Facebook to focus on other things, but keep this concealed from my main blog and YouTube channel. I recently returned from abroad in which this internal debate was one of the driving factors, as I prepare to go into 2015 I needed to have direction in our relationship. There were two options, stay and honestly work together, as I have to take responsibility for my portions of the wrongs (side friends,emails that discussed issues I was having with my husband,mean words in arguments etc) or move on separately. Needless to say which option was chosen...lol. I guess the most hurtful aspect of it is how easy it seems for him to ignore me and cut me off, its as if I never existed.
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